*
OK, so engineers have some stereotypes to deal with - so let's deal with them.
It turns out that mathematicians and physicists have a few of their own, and
a genre of humour has developed based on this. Of course, most humour is
making fun of someone else, so this is not novel. Perhaps the jokes aren't
novel either...
*

The Hotel Fire
The Guillotine
The Beautiful Woman

The Odd Prime Number Theory
The Volume of the Red Ball
The Farmer's Fence

*
Note: When I first learned these jokes, they featured men; I have reworded
some them to give equal treatment to women.
*

**Please send me more of these! See my e-mail address below. Thanks!**

The physicist awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's wine list does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher, he puts out the fire with one, short, well placed burst, and then crawls back into bed and goes back to sleep.

The engineer awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on the back of the hotel's room service list (pizza menu) does some quick calculations. Grabbing the fire extinguisher (and adding a factor of safety of 5), he puts out the fire by hosing down the entire room several times over, and then crawls into his soggy bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician awakes, sees the fire, makes some careful observations, and on a blackboard installed in the room, does some quick calculations. Jubliant, he exclaims "A solution exists!", and crawls into his dry bed and goes back to sleep.

The mathematician is next. Being well versed in matters statistical (perhaps she is an actuary), she quickly asks to be placed face up as well - after all, the odds of it happening again are pretty good, especially if the initial conditions are similar. So the excutioner obliges, and once again, the blade sticks about two thirds of the way down. Again the crowd cheers, and the mathematician is also set free.

Finally, the engineer. Not willing to do anything in public that is different from her peers, she, too, requests to be placed face up. As the executioner is strapping her in, she's looking up at the blade and studying the track in which it slides. As she does so, she notices something. "Do you see that?", she asks. "About one third the way up? If you fixed that there..."

*
With engineers, solving problems is not just a financially rewarding
occupation, it's a compulsion.
*

The mathematician points out that the distance will never reach zero, and walks away in disgust.

The physicist observes that at each time interval, the amount of heat transfer (body to body) will quadruple, and proceeds.

The engineer, while fully understanding the math and physics involved, is puzzled. "What's the point?", he asks. "I mean, why bother?..."

In this version the engineer / mathematician / physicist are all placed 8 feet from the woman.

The mathematician concludes that after * N*
iterations there will be 8
divided by 2

The physicist opines that if each iteration requires a finite amount of energy then the energy expended in the approach will be inversely proportional to the distance remaining and gives up on the spot.

The engineer says "8 feet, 4 feet, 2 feet, 1 foot, 6 inches, good enough for practical purposes".

Physicist: "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 - must be experimental error, 11 is prime, 13 is prime. That's enough data points; the theory is true."

Mathematician: "By convention, 1 is not prime, but 3 is prime, 5 is prime, and 7 is prime. Using mathematical induction, we can infer that all odd numbers are prime."

Engineer: "1 is prime, 3 is prime, 5 is prime, 7 is prime, 9 is prime, 11 is prime, 13 is prime, 15 is prime, 17 is prime, 19 is prime... Hmmm, theory appears to be true."

Second Engineer, who slept through some early math classes: "What do you mean, '1 is not prime?'"

__Ordinary, sane human__:
Four.

__Engineer__:

2

Enter

2

+

__Mathematician__:
If we have a set of two objects,
** S1**, and another set,

__Accountant__:
What would you like it to be?
(*from the same actuary as above*)
(*Note: When I first added the above line to this web page in the early 90's,
it seemed pretty funny.
Today (2002) there is still a bit of humor in it, but after the nice folks
at Enron (and Qwest and Worldcom and ...) used
"commonly accepted accounting practices"
(how commonly accepted? who else is getting screwed?)
to profit at the expense of their employees' and shareholders' pensions,
this isn't as funny as it once was.
I leave it here as a reminder.)*

__Lawyer__:
(to the defendant) Relax, the state can't prove that the sum is four.
(*my lawyer gave me this last line,
reminding me of another genre of jokes...
see http://www.lemuria.org/DeCSS/lawyers.html
and
http://www.gnu.org/fun/jokes/lawyers.html*)

The mathematician measures the diameter, divides it by two to obtain the radius, and then performs a double intergration.

The physicist weighs the ball and then weighs it again when immersed in water. Knowing the density of water and the difference in the two weights, she calculates the displaced volume of water, which is the volume of the ball.

The traditional engineer turns to her reference text
__The Physical Properties of Balls__
and in the chapter entitled "Metal", finds the table labelled "Red".
Searching for a row that the contains the appropriate model number
(which is stamped on the ball),
she reads across to the column "volume", ignoring those
dealing with "coefficient of thermal expansion" and "software rev. level".

The modern, 'Net savvy engineer googles for "The Volume of the Red Ball" and finds this page.

Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer walking through a field come upon a farmer.

The farmer asks what is the best way to construct
a fence that will contain his
livestock (*ie.*, most area for least perimeter).
The physicist does some calculus and
concludes that the best way to do this is a square fence.
The engineer looks at him and laughs.
"No, the best way is a circle". The physicist concedes
and they start building the fence.

The mathematician just sits there for a while and eventually stands up, puts a small piece around himself and says "I declare myself to be outside".

*submitted by Geoff Goehle (Colorado), June 2001*

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